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A man with a bomb in his pants
Sought to increase his explosive chance
But the beef vindaloo
Saw his plans all fall through
And was arrested while still in a trance
Sought to increase his explosive chance
But the beef vindaloo
Saw his plans all fall through
And was arrested while still in a trance
The hackers are being waylaid
And their victims are all getting paid
When Rupert was winning
It all seemed to be swimming
But now Rebekah might have to Wade
And their victims are all getting paid
When Rupert was winning
It all seemed to be swimming
But now Rebekah might have to Wade
There are countries quite rudely called PIIGS
For the palace they built out of twigs
If by this December
Shaky Hungary's a member
They'll be more sweetly known as the PHIIGS
For the palace they built out of twigs
If by this December
Shaky Hungary's a member
They'll be more sweetly known as the PHIIGS
Brazil's talent for football is clear
As their hosting the World Cup draws near
And the kink in their plan
For the ole' English fan
Is now gone since they've just approved beer
As their hosting the World Cup draws near
And the kink in their plan
For the ole' English fan
Is now gone since they've just approved beer
The Boxing Board says it’s not right
For two boxers to publicly fight
It is just not the done thing
If they are out of the ring
And the ref is nowhere in sight
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/othersports/boxing/9255408/British-Boxing-Board-of-Control-condemns-Haye-Chisora-fight.html
For two boxers to publicly fight
It is just not the done thing
If they are out of the ring
And the ref is nowhere in sight
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/othersports/boxing/9255408/British-Boxing-Board-of-Control-condemns-Haye-Chisora-fight.html
Care not how Uncharity mocks us;
Provincial votes never shall fox us!
This storm we shall weather,
Stay in it together,
And cling to our little red boxes!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/may/04/local-elections-clegg-under-fire?intcmp=239
Provincial votes never shall fox us!
This storm we shall weather,
Stay in it together,
And cling to our little red boxes!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/may/04/local-elections-clegg-under-fire?intcmp=239
At one time your life was discreet
With no Facebook and no need to tweet
Now you've let your soul show
For a new IPO
Leaving Zuckerberg's cash mountain sweet
With no Facebook and no need to tweet
Now you've let your soul show
For a new IPO
Leaving Zuckerberg's cash mountain sweet
Saint Tony, that statesman sublime,
At last has decreed that it's time
For him to come back,
Forgive us Iraq,
And return to the scene of his crime.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/heeeeres-tony-blairs-plan-to-reengage-with-british-politics-7707604.html
At last has decreed that it's time
For him to come back,
Forgive us Iraq,
And return to the scene of his crime.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/heeeeres-tony-blairs-plan-to-reengage-with-british-politics-7707604.html
We're all getting heartily sick
Of the views of Samantha Brick
Professor Beard might be plain
But she has a beautiful brain
While Samantha is terminally thick
Of the views of Samantha Brick
Professor Beard might be plain
But she has a beautiful brain
While Samantha is terminally thick
The Guardian published a story;
The fallout was horribly gory.
Poor Dave had the blues
Over red-tops he'd schmoozed,
And thus he was born - Purple Tory!
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/david-cameron-rules-out-probe-813256
The fallout was horribly gory.
Poor Dave had the blues
Over red-tops he'd schmoozed,
And thus he was born - Purple Tory!
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/david-cameron-rules-out-probe-813256
One of the joys of The Land Of The Free
Is to take an alfresco pee
But you must hold your fire
When you're near a live wire
Or your last stand could make history
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/9221635/Man-killed-while-urinating-on-Chicago-subway.html
Is to take an alfresco pee
But you must hold your fire
When you're near a live wire
Or your last stand could make history
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/9221635/Man-killed-while-urinating-on-Chicago-subway.html
James Murdoch the family runt
Has blown the whistle on Jeremy Hunt
Dave got rid of Cable
So that he was able
To favour Rupert – a real cunning stunt
Has blown the whistle on Jeremy Hunt
Dave got rid of Cable
So that he was able
To favour Rupert – a real cunning stunt
Poor Jeremy's out on a limb.
It seems that his future is grim:
While playing official
And quasi-judicial,
He cheer-led for Rupert and Jim.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2012/apr/24/leveson-inquiry-hunt-newscorp-bskyb
It seems that his future is grim:
While playing official
And quasi-judicial,
He cheer-led for Rupert and Jim.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2012/apr/24/leveson-inquiry-hunt-newscorp-bskyb
Now, let me just make this quite clear:
Regardless of how things appear
We're not being mean,
But we have to stay clean -
We don't need your kind around here.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/london-council-slammed-over-social-cleansing-housing-move-7674939.html
Regardless of how things appear
We're not being mean,
But we have to stay clean -
We don't need your kind around here.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/london-council-slammed-over-social-cleansing-housing-move-7674939.html
The thing about Abu Quatada
Is not that he really is badder
Than most men with a beard
(Tho, in itself, fairly weird)
But his hat makes him look rather dapper
Is not that he really is badder
Than most men with a beard
(Tho, in itself, fairly weird)
But his hat makes him look rather dapper
The playboy with whom Pippa runs
Has a penchant for brandishing guns
His threatening capers
Have filled all the papers
And eclipsed the Middleton buns
Has a penchant for brandishing guns
His threatening capers
Have filled all the papers
And eclipsed the Middleton buns
Two heroic cops on the beat
Set out to rescue a mutt from the heat
But they felt a bit silly
When they grabbed Little Willy -
He was a toy, asleep on the seat
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9180123/Police-smash-car-window-to-rescue-toy-dog.html
Set out to rescue a mutt from the heat
But they felt a bit silly
When they grabbed Little Willy -
He was a toy, asleep on the seat
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9180123/Police-smash-car-window-to-rescue-toy-dog.html
We've banqueted much with our chums
And got them to help with our sums;
But alas and alack,
Recession is back
And we've run short of pasties - oh crumbs!
And got them to help with our sums;
But alas and alack,
Recession is back
And we've run short of pasties - oh crumbs!
O gladness! At last Britain's proles
Have a champ who can save their poor souls!
Health service and pay
Are lost? What the hey!
Ed Miliband eats sausage rolls!
Have a champ who can save their poor souls!
Health service and pay
Are lost? What the hey!
Ed Miliband eats sausage rolls!
With a smirk and a jolly hurrah,
Budget time once again! I'm a star!
It's Millionaire's Day,
And your pensions will pay
For the champers and bunting, rah rah!
Budget time once again! I'm a star!
It's Millionaire's Day,
And your pensions will pay
For the champers and bunting, rah rah!
Poor Rowan! It's just as we feared.
Those glasses, those eyebrows, that beard
Have not helped to swing
Your traditional wing
Which thinks gays and women are weird.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/8754885/Archbishop-of-Canterbury-Dr-Rowan-Williams-set-to-quit-next-year.html
Those glasses, those eyebrows, that beard
Have not helped to swing
Your traditional wing
Which thinks gays and women are weird.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/8754885/Archbishop-of-Canterbury-Dr-Rowan-Williams-set-to-quit-next-year.html
Our submarines aren't too astute;
We can't get the aircraft to suit;
Not sure we can fight
At a price that is right -
But at least our new togs are quite cute.
royal-navy-trial-new-uniform
We can't get the aircraft to suit;
Not sure we can fight
At a price that is right -
But at least our new togs are quite cute.
royal-navy-trial-new-uniform
Normally being a Prince just enhances
Your chance of accepted advances
But meeting mad Phil and Chas
After a night on the razz
Has dampened a lot of romances
Your chance of accepted advances
But meeting mad Phil and Chas
After a night on the razz
Has dampened a lot of romances
The coterie of virgins has said
“It’s not right for two men to wed”
Please don’t make a fuss
You can be just like us
And try to not do it instead
“It’s not right for two men to wed”
Please don’t make a fuss
You can be just like us
And try to not do it instead
Oh, what an Almighty mess
A celibate bloke in a long black dress
Sees fit to disparage
The thought of gay marriage
Just because he had to settle for less?
A celibate bloke in a long black dress
Sees fit to disparage
The thought of gay marriage
Just because he had to settle for less?
Leveson just can’t get any worse
What, the Met gave Rebekah a horse?
They’re taking us all for a ride
And have no place to hide
Not really a grand ‘tour de force’
What, the Met gave Rebekah a horse?
They’re taking us all for a ride
And have no place to hide
Not really a grand ‘tour de force’
Oh, Foxy's returned with the verity
On how to improve our prosperity
With tax cuts and things -
But see his wee strings
Being pulled at the whims of a Werritty!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/feb/22/liam-fox-business-tax-cuts
On how to improve our prosperity
With tax cuts and things -
But see his wee strings
Being pulled at the whims of a Werritty!
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/feb/22/liam-fox-business-tax-cuts
Oh, God, what has Dawkins done now?
Another big atheist row?
Where’s the thunder and lightning?
Not a smidgeon of smiting?
You gone soft in your old age, somehow?
Another big atheist row?
Where’s the thunder and lightning?
Not a smidgeon of smiting?
You gone soft in your old age, somehow?
A man from Iran has a plot
A plot to get an ambassador shot
but the US said "no"
and with the world in tow
The Mexican cartels would rather not
A plot to get an ambassador shot
but the US said "no"
and with the world in tow
The Mexican cartels would rather not
The bosses’ pay rises once more
So it great when you’ve a foot in the door
In executive life
There’s little strife
Redundancy is simply a chore
So it great when you’ve a foot in the door
In executive life
There’s little strife
Redundancy is simply a chore